Masks We Live In

A lesson on shame, expectations, and common humanity based off Fellow Ashanti Branch's work at the Ever Forward club

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This is from Day 4 of a weeklong emotional intelligence bootcamp called Real Life Real Leaders I ran for Palo Alto's Unified School District with 10 students ages 13-18. The following lesson takes about 1 hour to complete. I drew inspiration from fellow Ashanti Branch's incredible work with the Ever Forward Club

Topics Covered

  • Societal Expectations
  • Shame
  • Masks We Live In

Societal Expectations

In the first segment, we cover Societal Expectations through an experiential activity inspired by fellow Ashanti Branch.

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  • Time: 4 Minutes
  • Give students a piece of paper with a blank box frame
  • Draw a stick figure of yourself inside the box in any pose you want
  • In the blank space of the frame, write all the "Must's" and "Don'ts" that society puts on you. If students struggle with this, have them begin with the expectations family puts on them.
  • When done, tape their Box onto a whiteboard
  • Do a silent gallery walk when all students are done and have them look at others' Boxes, noting how they feel when they see these.
  • Note: You must MODEL for students by creating your own prior to the lesson, and sharing it with them.


Because we have all these societal expectations imposed on us, it's hard for us to be the authentic self who we actually want to be. There are parts of ourselves that are less understood and accepted by society, and as a result we feel ashamed of those parts of our identity. To explore that, I then show Brene Brown's video on Shame. 

After watching the video, I present the students a quote:

“Whatever is unnamed… will become not only unspoken, but unspeakable.”- Adrienne Rich


After talking about Shame and Societal Expectations, we now examine the masks we've put up to deal with these pressures, but also look inward to understand who we really are beneath the masks.

Masks Front (Examples)

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Masks Back (Examples)

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  • Time: 6 minutes
  • Give each student a blank piece of paper
  • For the front, draw a mask and write the words that answer the following prompt
  • Filling out the front: Draw a mask and write words / feelings in response to the following questions: 
    • How do you want the world to see you because of Societal Expectations?
    • What is the self you show to the world because of the "Must's" and "Don'ts"?
  • Filling out the back: Draw the inside of the mask and write words / feelings in response to the following questions:
    • What are the parts of you that you don’t talk about?
    • The things you don’t get a chance to express?
    • The parts you hide or pretend don’t exist?
    • The parts you’re ashamed about?
  • Note: You must MODEL for students by creating your own prior to the lesson, and sharing it with them.

Final Shareout

  • Note: This is Day 4 of a 5 day emotional bootcamp, so a lot of safety was built prior by enforcing confidentiality. 
  • The Confidentiality Agreement asserts that whatever is shared and discussed in the room, stays in the room. We are encouraging all to be vulnerable and thus it's important to create a safe container built on trust.
  • The reason why I have the 2nd person to the left and right of each sharing-student is to:
    • 1) prevent the adjacent students from spending more time thinking about what to say next vs being present for the student sharing
    • 2) to ensure every student gets heard and feels acknowledged / seen 
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  • Note: Students have had 3 days of intense practice noticing and sharing their feelings prior to this activity. The following Feelings Sheet was created to support those students throughout the week (especially for this final share out).
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We then end the activity with a group hug, and thank everyone for their vulnerability and sharing.

Feedback From Previous Students

How disappointed would you be if this program were no longer offered to future students?
Average (Mean): 9
Most Frequent (Mode): 10

How likely are you to recommend this to a classmate?
Average (Mean): 8.85
Most Frequent (Mode): 10

Calm Comfortable Hopeful Pleased
Warm-hearted Content Inspired Accepted

Student Quotes:

"The biggest thing I learned is that other people feel like society is imposing rules on them. I'm not alone"

"My biggest takeaway is that everyone has the pressure of being the way society wants you to be and I'm not alone"

Evaluation results

3 evaluations so far

1. Do you love this idea?

Yes! I love this idea! - 100%


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